DISORDER (JOY DIVISION)

GOT THE SPIRIT GOT THE FEELING FEELING FEELING FEEEEELIIIINGG

ITS MORNING STILL AND IVE ALREADY DONE SOME PHONE CALLS. NO JOB YET SADLY. SO IM GONNA BUY SOME PAPERS TO FIND ONE. GOT A MEETING WITH A NEW PSYCHOLOGIST TODAY AND IM NOT SO LOOKING FOWARD TO IT...
ANYWAY:
TODAY ITS GONNA BE A WARM AND SUNNY DAY, IVE GOT MY JEANS SHORTS ON AND IM ABOUT TO WASH MY MY FACE WHILE LISTENING TO MY VINYL OF UNKNOWN PLEASURES AND THEN GET COFFEE AND A CHOCOLATINE AND PAPERZZZZ!
DAMN I NEED MORE ENERGY. ITS THE BEST THING EVA!!! THIS EVE IM GOIN RUNNIN 4 SUREEEEE ;D
MY SNACK TODAY WILL BE A YOGHURT AROUND 6PM
MY SNACK TOMORROW WILL BE A LOT OF ALCOHOL IN PVC (HOPE!!!!!)

DRY YOUR EYES MATE/ THERES PLENTY MORE FISH IN THE SEA

NEED SOMETHING TO MAKE ME SMILE !!!!!11

WHEN THE THE NIGHT COMES...

"DONT BE AFRAID" -I NEED SOMEONE TO SAY THAT TO ME!!!
TODAY I STARTED AN ARTWORK, WATCHED ENTER THE VOID, DID WORKOUT, SIGNED OFF SCHOOL, BUYIED COFFEE AND CORNFLAKES.
TOMORROW I WILL GO TO THE JOBCENTER, ASK FOR A JOB AT THE CINEMA DOWN THE STREET, GO SHOPPING TO FIND NICE OXFORDS AND SOME STUFF THAT MAKES ME LOOK LIKE A POET GIRL! AND HOPEFULLY GET TO DRINK A CIDER AT THE PUB WITH SOMEONE!
IM GONNA OFFER S SEX IN HIS WARDROBE IF HE CALLS ME TONIGHT. NOW IM OFF TAKING A SHOWER AND THEN HEADING TO MY MUMS FOR SOME DELICOUS SPARGEL!

IS THIS LOVE IS THIS LOVE IS THIS LOVE

SO IM IN TROUBLE AGAIN. KINDAAA. I HAVENT BEEN TO SCHOOL LIKE IN AGES. ONLY THING I HAVE TO DO ACTUALLY IS TO TALK TO MY TEACHER AND TELL HER I WANT TO DROP OUT. IM ABAOUT TO DO THAT IN 20 MINUTES! BUT MY DAD JUST FOUND OUT I SPENT THE LAST WEEKS HOME AND LIED TO HIM, I THINK HES MAAAAAAAAAADDD :S

RUDY

ID LIKE TO BUY WELLIES. LIVE ON THE COUNTRYSIDE. OR FALL IN LOVE. AND WEAR WINGED EYES.
I THINK IM GONNA CUT MY HAIR. OR AT LEAST DYE IT IN ANOTHER COLOR.
I SAW A FRIEND OF MINE WITH HER BOYFRIEND TODAY. THEY ARE SO FUCKING BEAUTIFUL TO WATCH!!!!11 I REALLY ENVY HER. SHE ALWAYS LOOKS LOVELY: SMOKING MENTHOL CIGARETTES AND BEING ALL SWEET AND EROTIC. WEARING BLAZERS AND OXFORDS ALL IN WARM COLOURS. SHE GRABBED HER BOYFRIENDS ASS ALL THE TIME AND HE CLINGED HIS ARM OVER HER NECK. SHE LOOKS LIKE A WASTED POET GIRL WITH A CLEVER ROCK N ROLL HUSBAND <3 AWWW

THE BITTER TASTE BEEN FOOLED AGAIN

FRIDAY I MET UP WITH S AND P. REALLY NICE AND LATER I WENT INTO TOWN WITH THEM (MY FRIENDS WOULDNT COME) AND BEEN QUITE CHEEKY WITH EVERY ONE WHICH WAS FUN. THEN HE TOOK ME HOME.... I REALLY THOUGHT EVERYTHING WAS FINE. KINDA.
BUT NOW IT TURNES OUT HIM AND HIS MATES ARE MAKING FUCKING FUN OF ME AND STUFF LIKE THAT. J WHICH ISNT EVEN IN TOWN TOLD ME. HURTS QUITE A LOT. I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO TO MAKE ME FEEL BETTER. IM LONELY AND I FEEL WORTHLESS AND USED. AND I LIKE HIM. WHY IS HE DOING THIS? AM I WRONG? IS IT THE SEX? I DONT FIND IT THAT PHENOMENAL. WHAT CAN I DO? I DONT WANNA BE ALONE (THE SUN IS SHINING AND IM CRYING AND LISTENING TO HIS FAVOURITE BAND) WTF

LET THE SUNSHINE IN

TADAA
AFTER A HARDCORE BREAKDOWN YESTERDAY (CRIED MYSELF INTO SLEEP) TODAY IS SUPER BEAUTIFUL DAY.
STILL NOT ATTENDING SCHOOL THO. SITTING IN THE SUN EATING GOOD SANDWICH FROM KAMPS AND COFFEE AND LIGHT CIGARETTES AND LOTS OF WATER DRINKING! REALLY WORRIED ABOUT BESTIE J WHO GOT WASTED AT THE PSYCH. PLACE .....
S TOLD OTHER J (SECOND BESTIE) HE WANTS TO SEE ME IN DAYTIME AND WANTS TO BECOME FRIENDS WITH ME BUT NO RELATIONSHIP. I DONT CARE AS I DONT HAVE A CLUE ABOUT RELATIONSHIPS ANYWAY. IM A BIT NERVOUS RIGHT NOW....
HE TEXTED ME ON SUNDAY ASKING IF WANTED TO WATCH A MOVIE AND I DIDNT RESPONSE. TODAY I GOT MESSAGE ON FACING ASKING ME IF I WAS MAD AT HIM AND HE WANTS ME TO CONTACT HIM. WHAT A CUTIE
NEVER NEVER NEVER EVER THOUGHT THIS COULD EVER HAPPEN. I MEAN THERE WAS A TIME I ADOOOORED HIM!!!
NOW I JUST DONT KNOW. I DONT KNOW ABOUT ANYTHING. MOST IMPORTANT THING FOR ME IS TO SORT MY SHIT OOUT AND GET A FUTURE. A JOB WOULD BE A GOOD BEGINNING

NOT SURE WETHER TO LAUGH OR CRY BUT I KNOW I KISSED MY HEART GOODBYE

SWIMMING. SCHOOL//NO SCHOOL. SEX//NO SEX. JOB! SHOP!

HIGH ENERGY// IMPORTANCE OF JOY

THIS IS WHAT IM AFTER-

I WOKE UP TO A TEXT MESSAGE FROM MY LOVER
REJECTED HIM BUT HE WANTS MEEE
WENT TO MY DOC SO I GOT A SNIPPET FOR SCHOOL. HE AND SOME DOC-GIRL LAUGHED WITH ME ME AND TALKED ABOUT HOW MY ATTITUDE REMINDED THEM OF HIS DAUGHTER AHAH.
SAW VERY VERY VERY FUNNY PEOPLE AT THE DOC. HAD TO LOL !!!
TOMORROWS GONNA BE A SUMMERDAY!!!! SO BEAUTIFUL IM GONNA WAER SHORTS AND RIDE MY BIKE ROUND TOWN
AND SHOP MY SKINNY ASS OFF COZ YAP I GOT MONEY OHHH
BEST THING EVER: TODAY IS FRIDAY AND IM STAYING IN! ACCEPT RUNNING MAYBE :)
SO HAPPY AND ENERGY BOOSTED RIGHT NOW !